The Decline of the Godly Masculine Man

Is it me, or is feminism destroying the masculinity of men in our society? I'm not talking about chivalry or paying for dinner; I'm talking about something deeper inside of us. We as men are encouraged to embrace aspects of a personality that can only be described as "womanly." Now what is "womanly" you ask, indignantly, waiting for me say something else before you go run and tell the ACLU? Hold on there Ms. Femi-nazi. Before you accuse me of being a bigot or a pig, hear me out.

In my home I do the dishes. I vacuum. I make breakfast and sometimes lunch and even dinner. I help hang clothes on the line and I watch my children so my wife can accomplish other tasks freely. I cry during sad movies and cheer when the little dog finds its way home across the mountains. I also mow the lawn, fix the sink, re-wire the garage, change the car's oil, watch football, drink alcohol and enjoy a good, rare steak. None of these things makes me more or less masculine, neither are any of them manly or womanly. I know plenty of women who mow the lawn, and quite a few men who don't know the first thing about plumbing or football. So what differentiates being womanly and manly? (Hint - it isn't things)

Above all, I am the leader of my home. It could be the military experience of leadership, but to me that means I am ultimately responsible for everything that goes right or wrong in the family. When I make a decision, I suffer the consquences worse of all if it ends up negative, for I bear the knowledge of having brought unhappiness upon my family. I lead the prayer efforts of my family, sometimes delegating to "Mama," often offering the prayer up myself. I instruct my family in God's Word and make sure the children see two godly parents as examples of Christian living. My wife conducts the business of the house under my supervision and delegation. I trust her to do many things solo, but as I am responsible to God for the well being and produce of my family, she is responsible to me for completing her specific areas of control. In short, "manly" and "authority to lead" can be held in the same sentence, while similarly "womanly" and "strength to follow" can be. And yes, it takes incredible strength to follow.

Do not confuse quiet and subdued for weak. Many loud and aggressive men are some of the weakest leaders I know, if you could call them that. Bullies more like. I am often quiet, and very rarely assert myself with any furor. The style of leadership varies from man to man, but the core of the matter is Authority. Is the man willingly bearing the position and responsibilty of his God-given Authority? If not, he is acting womanly. Not gay, womanly (two very, very different things).

Now to the meat and potatoes of it, if I haven't lost you already (feminists will say I am degrading women or mocking womankind). While we in the church do a good job of identifying and following traditional male and female roles, we do not adequately address the failure of true male leadership. Have you ever heard the term "Metrosexual?" It describes a man who is heterosexual but embraces a womanly way of life, becoming soft and mushy, instead of strong and authoritative. Again, do not confuse "soft" with "quiet." God instructs men to be strong, not weak. How many men in the church have you met that won't make a decision for the life of them, and will only go along with the crowd? Unfortunately, this is especially prevalent in the music aspect of Christianity, an area of Christianity I know thoroughly, being a musician myself. I lost count of the number of times we played "Amazing Grace" and other great but overplayed hymns simply because the worship leader wouldn't take the mantle of leadership and simply tell us what we were doing this week.

Often the metrosexual man in the church has incredibly feminine aspects of his life, and while doing traditional feminine things do not neccessarily make one womanly, it does present a foothold and is skating near the line. I firmly believe when God sets a line, we should head away from it, not see how close we can get before crossing it. I concede a man can be metrosexual and manly, but from my experience, one inevitably leads to the other.

How do we combat this? By open and honest, talk based on God's Word, coupled with dedicated and strong teaching from our Elders and Pastors. Men's outings, where we can explore our sensitive side, within the confines of a masculine environment can also be a great boon. A strong Man of God living in authority knows how to express himself with more than grunts and nods.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." First and foremost We need to stop coddling and scolding our men in public! Nothing erodes authority like a public chastisement. If my church brother corrects my children in a way I do not like, I will talk to him on the side, away from the public view. However, as a man in the church and therefore a leader, I would expect him to discipline my children in my absence. If he failed to do that, I also would address it directly to him, off-line. It is the latter I am more concerend about. We as men are afraid to act on our authority in the church. It's uncomfortable. It's awkward. It could open us up to a child abuse or molestation lawsuit. However, until we get over this hurdle and start behaving like a real family, I'm afraid the lingering womanly side of men in our church will continue to fester, enabling and encouraging the women to feed their inherrent desire to rule over the men, and planting some very vicious, tenacious and destructive seeds in an otherwise bountiful garden. Is this extreme? Perhaps, but it is also logical and very possible if we are not vigilant.

So men of the church, step up! Accept the mantle of responsibility and authority God is trying to give you. Become the leader your friends and family need you to be. And please, for the sake of my family and the future of our church, spank my children after the service when they misbehave and I'm not around. Correct my wife is she is speaking untruths, gossiping or being unloving. Just let me know afterwards what transpired. I'll grill up some steaks, buy you a beer, and we can watch Homeward Bound together on the sofa.